Time to howl – or roar – at the full moon

As I connect more with nature, I’m trying to honour special milestones like solstices and full moons, to set aside those days for rituals that connect me not just with nature but with myself. For January’s Wolf moon, I stayed inside – it’s freezing in London right now! – for a meditation session. But despite being inside, my thoughts turned to my own wild nature.

I go back and forth on astrology – I’m not someone who reads their horoscope every day but I saw enough of myself in my sun sign, Virgo, to decide at age 21 to have the symbol tattooed on my back! The intelligent, organised, grounded Virgo was how I saw myself for a long time and those traits are still there. But these days I have been thinking more about my Leo moon.

And the Wolf moon helped bring out my Lion.

As I meditated, I saw how the more negative aspects - the perfectionism, the overthinking, the fear of chaos - of my Virgo nature have held me back. I’ve spent so much time trying to protect myself from the chaos of the world, of life, thinking if I can just do everything perfectly, if I can be perfect, then I’ll be safe. Of course being perfect doesn’t come easily, it requires a lot of thinking – figuring out what to say, what to do, how to be, how to plan for any scenario. Frankly, it’s exhausting.

My Virgo would sometimes let out my Leo, usually when under the influence of something – alcohol, etc – that would quiet the voice in my head and help me lose a bit of control. But she never let me fully embrace my creative, expressive, bold and generous side, to see that side as equally worthy. However, ever-rational Virgo must have finally figured out that’s not healthy, and decided she’s ready to give up some control and shift the balance of power to Leo.

Sitting in front of my fireplace, staring into the flames of the candles, I felt fiery, wild Leo coming out. I felt warmth spread through my body, tight muscles relaxing, the internal dialogue fading. I felt more in my body than I have for a while.

And that was hugely important. As my body has started to change with age, I’ve felt not myself physically, sometimes uncomfortable and awkward. Like many people at this middle stage of life, I’m torn between wanting to accept and love myself, and fighting ageing every step of the way. But in that moment of meditation, when I became the Lion, I didn’t give a shit that there’s now a bit more flab on my belly. I felt the power of my femininity, of my sexuality, of my creativity.

This is why I work with altered states. Whether through meditation, psychedelics, dreaming (and more), they can give moments of clarity and insight that kick-start change. While my moment of feeling like a Lion didn’t last long, the idea has stuck with me. It is informing how I see myself and the choices I make. When I start overthinking, I will summon my Lion, toss back my golden mane and let out a roar.