Pleasure and pain (no, not that kind)

This was a rough week. In addition to dealing with some personal issues, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by what is happening in the world. Looking at pictures of skeletal children in Gaza has brought me to tears multiple times, yet I know that I have to look. Our natural tendency is to avoid things that are distressing - and I don’t recommend a constant viewing diet of the world’s horrors, there’s no need to be a masochist – but in this case, I feel the need to bear witness. I’m sitting in my comfortable home in London, donating money and writing to my MP, but feeling helpless to do anything that will actually stop the genocide happening in Palestine. I know all I can do is watch, to not turn my back on the suffering.

I spoke with a friend yesterday about the pain of watching this situation, and we agreed that we would rather feel this pain, than to be able to watch without being affected. I genuinely don’t know how anyone can be immune. Humans are naturally empathetic, we instinctively care about and for each other, we understand that our survival depends on each other. Yet our society has become so disconnected - from ourselves, from each other - that many people have repressed and forgotten this natural instinct.

So it was a relief to go to a party last night and connect with others. I can sometimes feel guilty for enjoying myself while others are suffering – I don’t want to be Marie Antoinette and insensitively say “let them eat cake!” But I remind myself that the world is made of energy and we need to balance the bad with some good. To not mindlessly party, forgetting those suffering, but to do things that redress the balance, that create connection in a disconnected world.

The party was hosted by a long-time organiser of sex-positive events, who has worked to create a community and to help people understand the importance of connecting with and expressing their sexuality. As usual, after I got over my initial shyness, I had some amazing conversations with people. I’m always surprised and grateful that I seem to wind up talking with the right people. By that, I mean people with whom there are synchronicities - who shared something with me, and me with them, that fit with what I was feeling, something that added to my understanding of something I was thinking about. If you let go of ego and expectations, and stay open, I find intuition guides you to these people.

Of course at a party like this, connection is about more than conversation. Again, I let my intuition guide me and shared a beautiful experience with a few others. It was truly magical – each person giving of themselves, caring for the others, ensuring everyone was comfortable with how things progressed and ultimately, moving beyond thinking to just feeling. At that point, the experience becomes something spiritual, where we all set aside our egos, drop our armour and completely open up - and through physically connecting with each other, we connect with something bigger.

After a week of feeling overwhelmed by the world, after mourning for the lack of connection I am witnessing, that was exactly what I needed. And it reminded me of why I am doing this work – to help people to reconnect with themselves, with others, with the collective unconscious, with nature – and the role sexuality plays in that. Sex can be many things, and it doesn’t always have to be serious, but it sometimes allows us to reconnect in a very meaningful way. Thank you to my new friends!